JB Writes Too

Hi, I'm JB. This is a blog, where I put journal like entries. It is a record of how I feel about things at a particular time. For me, myself and I. Everything posted is written in a 'stream of conscious' manner. Therefore, only slightly edited. I have other blogs: explosions-in-my-eyes.tumblr.com & mary-christ.tumblr.com

Paintings

Music, re-blogs and general banter

Love Not Love

I’m done with Love
what’s the point of such an emotion?
when it never gets put to use anyway
I’m trading you in
for some new walls
to build around my heart
to strengthen the cold that is taking over
You are of no value to me anymore
it makes more sense
to not let you in
to stay strong
and alone
austerity
is what I crave
order and distance
I’m trading you in
for some new walls
to build around my heart
what’s the point of such a useless emotion?
when it never gets put to use anyway
it gets in the way
and ruins things
Complicates
and disappoints
no hopes are high
just knowledge of now
I’m done with you Love
you are of no value to me anymore

Nice Face

Nice face,
with cat eyes.
Italian sojourn,
He’s dancing,
while I’m dreaming
Sleepy steps I take,
left foot, right foot
playing sad songs
that cradle me
in thoughts of love
and hopes of something new.
You and me baby,
I’ll be home one day,
Right where you are
while you are dancing
 I’ll be dreaming
you can sing the songs
that cradle me
to somewhere new…

Something Something… 16/4/2011

I want electricity
I am an empty room
still darkness
with power waiting to ignite
I stare into you
Colour green
same as mine
I wait for the charge
we touch
warm
skin on skin
yours and mine
enveloped and temporary
you and me
moments in slow motion
I replay it
in my mind
is that what I said?
did you say that too?
Cat like eyes
you
Crinkled eyes of age
me
I stare into you
colour green
the same as mine
I want electricity
skin on skin
you and me

Destroy and rebuild (myself) (not a poem - a list)

Two deaths last week
Two funerals this week
Three deaths in all.
I’ve felt disconnected from the world
Once again though, punk rock saved my life
The movie “Wings of Desire”, verbalised it, and put it into pictures
Today >
I went to breakfast twice
I drank a lot of coffee
I walked in the sun
I rode my bike
I’m sweating
I’m living
I’m not as upset anymore
by this thought
I played Nick Cave records
and danced in my lounge room
I patted my cat
and listened to her purr
I’m living again
Raised up like a zombie from the ground
Two deaths last week
Two funerals this week
One life living
to be continued….

Hope and Wonder? 08/09/09

What is to become of me
now
with this newly acquired penchant
for the daydream
Befuddled and distracted
I constantly am
Like a groan
That leaves you
When you realize
you are older
Damn! Monopolised in my thoughts
your face
and again
I bite my lip
The question of “what if?”
tumbles over and over
And imaginary conversations
As I toss and turn
instead of sleep these nights
A cliche of the highest order
Yes
I tick all of the boxes
Inside I’m giggling
constantly
wondering
“what will happen?”
a broken record of over-analysis
The bravado
I once had
has peeled away
like skins shed
on old fruit
knotted stomach - check
wrenches and curls
And I count the days
If I smile
Will you smile back?
Will we speak?
Or will I be left a fool?
Will all the daydreaming
become
a
sweet
reality
hope
Hope
I can’t believe
I even have it
But it’s all I can do
until next time
Hope
Wonder
Giggle
Repeat

Exile on Your Street 08/09/09

I have been in exile
for nearly two years
some of it purposeful
some of it by response
Countless times
I was there for you
In your hour of need
Around the clock
I listened to you moan
Yet, inside I was ill
In need of help
And where were you?
All I saw was dust
Once the lip service machine
shut down
I walk now
alone
And I stare up at you
As you sit perched
In your ivory towers
Never at fault
Never making mistakes
I hope you are happy?
Shrouded in lies
Like the song says:
”Hang the DJ, Hang the DJ, Hang the DJ”
Yes, I could hear you chant
As the judgement fell upon me
But now?
The clocks spin and turn around
And as the ink
fades from the blacklist
I hear the phone ring
“Grace us with your presence -
Entertain us joker
Make us laugh
laugh
laugh
with your stories of sadness
yes
make us
laugh
you know you can”
Two years now
and the blacklist
is home
I’ve found the sun
from where it truly begins
Excuse me then
If I conveniently ‘forget’ you…
“hang the DJ
hang the DJ
hang the DJ”

Here Now.. 27/08/09

I’m here now
And I wait
For you to find me
Like a comic book character
Shabbily drawn
with no funny storyline
To make those silly thoughts
and daydreams
Real
LIke balloons escaping
from my hands
when I was small
I looked up
and cried
So absurd
to carry on
like this
“Never again!”
Convinced I was,
so long ago
yet here I am
Filled with hope and possiblity
And pictures
like old movies
black and white
that tell stories
on the screen
in my mind
with no popcorn
but old chairs
and musty carpet
and shadows and lights make
happiness
kisses
hearts
love
Same as songs that give you shivers
“Could you be the one?”

Sleepless, sleep less…26/08/09

Yes,  bleary eyed again
as we scream through the streeets
at neckbreak speed
sirens clash
with the sounds in my head
Maddening swirl and twists
I am debilitated
help me
and fucking stop!
make the chatter
quit roaring
and hush now
dampen the negative
stop
please just
let me
sleep -

Inzombia Insomnia 26/08/09

I have inzombia
So I am building book walls
Piles and piles
to make a fortress
to send me back to sleep
All the light and pretty words
I think of
at inopportune times
Make my jaw hurt now
my stomach ache
And tired
yet awake
So here I am
With my book walls
forgetting what I thought of before
what pretty words
made my awkward mind go
around
cat steals cushions
makes it her own
so soft
serene
I stare
envious
of the sleep
that comes over to easy
I peer through the book walls
And think about Bladerunner
And you.
If you don’t like me
Well then -
What can I do?
Sleep?
That’s the least I could do
Under the collapse
of walls
books tumble
thud
thud
thud
to the floor
I surrender.

Sunday at the Beach 16/08/09

I saw three butterflies,
and they reminded me of you.
Then I saw a lone butterfly,
Moving through the air,
swooping —
enjoying the world,
doing its own thing,
and I thought: “Hey! That’s me!”
Floating in between tiny bubbles
and the great blue sea.
What pain endured,
In years gone by,
evaporates now.
As the sun warms my face,
Under palm trees,
and picnic aromas,
Hope is carried on the wind,
straight to my soul,
Sadness melts away,
Transformed now,
Into a new born spirit,
like that of a child,
And for the first time,
In a long time,
I see the beauty of the world.